i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
