half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
