I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
