Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
