i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
