This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
