Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
