he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
