I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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