I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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