i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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