i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize