hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
