I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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