i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
