Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
