finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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