You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
