Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
