Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
