i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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