3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
