So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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