i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I party with great urgency now.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
