If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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