She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
