Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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