threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
