Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
