All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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