i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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