next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
