I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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