I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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