The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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