Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
