? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
