I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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