I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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