You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
