dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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