so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize