You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
