actually, I'm a sock model
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
