dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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