is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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