In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
