Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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