Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
