his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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