I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize