I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
