I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
