I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
