I wish I could teleport
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
