Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
