I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
