I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
