I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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