i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
