when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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