did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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