I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
