Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
