what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
