Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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