Can i not drive my cunt home
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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