Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just gift wrapped bread.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
