i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize