You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
